February 2014

Sake Hints – Ten Reasons To Drink Sake On V-day!

Posted by Beau Timken in 2014, February, Valentines
Okay Okay! This is a funny list of things to DO and DON’T do on Valentine’s Day that I dug up from the archive. It’s pretty steamy so take note and don’t let your fourth grader read this. Wait! Why is your fourth grader reading this in the first place? 

Sake not Flowers
  • If you will be “Hot Tubing” on V-Day make certain to serve a sake that is best consumed at room temperature. Why? Cold sakes make your body work harder in heat and can be funny on the tummy, and hot sakes will make you too hot in the soup and you cannot stay in the tub as long.
  • If you plan to take sake to bed, don’t worry man! It’s not red wine and won’t stain the bedding if things get kicking and screaming (did I just type that?)!
  • If you plan to serve Champagne or Sparkling wine DON’T. These have added sulfites amongst all of those other headache making materials. Sparkling Sake does not and makes Feb 15th far more fun for snuggling!
  • (BING BING BING – This is the adults only bell – BING BING BING) Body shot? That is so old school. Why not try the old “Lover’s Chair”? Take your lover, remove her clothes, sit her very erect (no leaning back) in a chair and make her put her legs tightly together. Ahh and here is the fun yet tricky part. Hand your lover a glass of cool sake (cold enough to make goose bumps) and have her pour it down her neck between her ummmm breasts (does my mom read this Newsletter?) and watch as it races down her body, to her tightly closed knees, where the recipient (you) shall drink from her kneecaps, which should be touching. This is called something else other than Lover’s Chair, but I must first get a cable show before I say the real name. (Also for the guys detours often happen so improvise and good luck)
Sake not Jewelry
  • Giving chocolate this V-day again? BORING! Why not mix it up by giving your valentine your favorite chocolate and a killer bottle of desert sake called Kijoshu. This 8-year aged sweet sake was made for chocolate and they go together like Donnie and Marie (does that sound incestuous?). Okay then they go together like France and cigarettes, fish and chips, Emelda Marcos and shoes etc. Point being the deep richness of this sweet sake works so well with anything chocolaty. It has the color and feel of a Port and hints of Sherry-like qualities. Amazing and so unique!
  • Beer is great. No questions. But when was the last time you drank a sixer and then started making out. You probably A) smelled like a brewery B) burped like a sailor and C) felt bloated like a traveling-for-2-weeks-piece of luggage. So don’t even go there. Forget the brewski on the 14th and stick to the cleanest burning fuel that doesn’t bog ya down, blow you up, or stink ya all over. Sake is recommended by 9 out 10 doctors for “making out,” and is covered by most insurance carriers. Be smart. Be Sake.
Sake not Chocolat
  • If you are officially proposing to you lover on Valentine’s Day, don’t put the ring in the bottom of her/his wine glass. Do you know how many times the recipient has swallowed the ring? Countless times. If you want the ring in the glass thing then use the very clear sake route so he/she can see the darn thing! Of course this would be made worse if you hid the ring in the bottom of cloudy/milky sake known as Nigori Sake. Bad idea! But, and this if for the very desperate, if you were intending to propose and forgot the ring (or lost it you idiot) then try this fail-safe impromptu engagement secret. When you twist off the cap of unopened sake a perforated separate piece of metal comes off. This little round piece of metal, which is usually gold or silver, looks just like a…. you know…. a ring! Tadah the perfect “he/she was so cute putting this little sake ring on my finger” moment. Folks you can thank me later!
  • How do you know when things at dinner are starting to turn for the better? You look at your date on V-Day and notice that she/he is starting to flush a little. Man! You think. She/he is really starting to get hot for me. WRONG! The real reason your date is starting to turn the color of the fake red heart on the V-Day card that you gave her an hour before is that the histamines in her red wine are kicking in. Her face and body are having a reaction to the surge in histamines often found in big red wines. So before you yell “Check Please” think about pouring sake instead of the Red Death that could get you in a ton of “presumptuous” trouble.
Sake not Wine
  • Of course wines and beers have some great names that do so well on Valentine’s Day but they can never compare to the names of sakes. For example how about pouring a bottle of “Drunken Heart” or “Dreamy Clouds”? Not bad heh? How about whipping out a bottle of “Vunerable Virgin” or “Beautiful Boy”? There is always “Midnight Moon” or “Star-Filled Sky.” Perhaps you would prefer “Root of Innocence” “Southern Beauty” “Mirror of Truth” “Fair Maiden” or “Heaven of Tipsy Delight.”
  • This Valentine’s Day take a “Sake Bath.” First get an “Ishobin” (1.8L) bottle of sake, drink a large portion for dinner then take the rest to your bath. Run some hot water and then place your lover sitting in the tub. Take the remains of the bottle and pour it on her/his head and then have them do the same to you. And then wait for the steam and heat to kick in. Oh so steamy!


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