Is Sake an Aphrodisiac? - The Top Ten List of Sake On Valentine's Day
After countless hours of in-depth research I have finally concluded that sake is an aphrodisiac in every sense of the word. What? Come on how in the world did you ever come to that conclusion? It's true and the facts speak for themselves. Well actually in this case the facts are just a fact (singular). And to be more precise my "countless hours" of research were in fact a ten-minute conversation with a guy who knew a guy. But hey that's scientific enough these days by modern polling and research standards right?
Okay okay! It's not as bad as it sounds, because the first "guy" just so happens to be Izumihiko Masuda the 12th generation owner of Tsukinokatsura brewery in Fushimi just outside of Kyoto proper. He owns a brilliant kura (brewery) as well as the best moustache in the sake brewing world. Now the other "guy" happened to be an 80 year-old friend of Masuda-san's father who is very close with the kura, but never drank their sake. One day he visited the brewery and took home a bottle of Nigori sake, which this brewery is famous for. (In fact they re-engineered the modern nigori movement 41 years ago that made nigori sake legal again.) The day after the surprising visit Mr. Masuda's phone rang and it was the older gentleman on the other end. The first words out of his mouth were "thank you." The third through eighteenth words out of his mouth were "thank you." Confused Masuda-san said "you're welcome but why are you thanking me?" To which the older gentleman in a hushed voice said that he had not made love to his wife in 21 years. But that had changed the night before when "some magic" made him want to "dance." I concluded it was the sake!
And that in a nutshell is proof positive that sake is an aphrodisiac. Who needs more concrete evidence than that? (Actually I do have a collaborating voice in my older brother who swears that sake is indeed a gifted beverage!) The bottom line is that there is some magic in sake. Like all boozes it thins the blood and causes a touch of euphoria, but there is more. There is a secret layer of "feel good" that no other libation can quite obtain. The trick is to get to the "feel good" level with a person who really floats your boat.
In a word sake is exotic. And exotic is almost spelled the same way as erotic. Proof again that sake is a libation to be reckoned with on V- day. But you still need more? Well have you ever heard of a Geisha? Hmmmmm What beverages are the Geisha's known for pouring? Now we are getting closer. We are closing in on the precise reason that sake is liquid love. Should we review? An 80 year-old-man, my older brother, euphoria, Geishas, do you need any more than that? Hmmmmm? Let's not touch on the simplicity of inhibitions or the lack thereof. Let's also not go on about the whole Time, Place and Occasion of the Day of "Hallmark" Love. Rather let's focus on the ability of a fermented rice beverage to create the perfect storm of chemical reactions in your brain and heart to throw out the "animal signal," "the mating call," or "the call to lust." In plain English "Sake Works." Who cares why? It is an aphrodisiac until proven otherwise.
Herewith is a TOP TEN List of the Do's and Don'ts when combining Cupid and a Cup of beautiful sake:
- If you will be "Hot Tubing" on V-Day make certain to serve a sake that is best consumed at room temperature. Why? Cold sakes make your body work harder in heat and can be funny on the tummy, and hot sakes will make you too hot in the soup.
- If you plan to take sake to bed, don't worry man! It's not red wine and won't stain the bedding if things get kicking and screaming (did I just type that?)!
- If you plan to serve Champagne or Sparkling wine DON'T. These have sulfites added, whereas Sparkling Sake has been "slightly pasteurized" and is a cleaner buzz!
- Body shot? That is so old school. Why not try the old "Lover's Chair"? Take your lover, remove her clothes, sit her very erect (no leaning back) in a chair and make her put her legs tightly together. Ahh and here is the fun yet tricky part. Hand your lover a glass of cool sake (cold enough to make goose bumps) and have her pour it down her neck between her ummmm breasts (does my mom read this Newsletter?) and watch as it races down her body, to her tightly closed knees, where the recipient shall drink from her kneecaps, which should be touching. This is called something else other than Lover's Chair, but I must first get a cable show before I say the real name. (Also for the guys detours often happen so improvise!)
- Giving chocolate this V-day again? BORING! Why not mix it up by giving your valentine your favorite chocolate and a killer bottle of desert sake called Kijoshu. This 8-year aged sweet sake was made for chocolate and they go together like Donnie and Marie (does that sound incestuous?). Okay then they go together like France and cigarettes, fish and chips, Emelda Marcos and shoes etc. Point being the deep richness of this sweet sake works so well with anything chocolaty. It has the color and feel of a Port and hints of Sherry-like qualities. Amazing and so unique!
- Beer is great. No questions. But when was the last time you drank a sixer and then started making out. You probably A) smelled like a brewery B) burped like a sailor and C) felt bloated like a traveling-for-2-weeks-piece of luggage. So don't even go there. Forget the brewski on the 14th and stick to the cleanest burning fuel that doesn't bog ya down, blow you up, or stink ya all over. Sake is recommended by 9 out 10 doctors for "making out," and is covered by most insurance carriers. Be smart. Be Sake.
- If you are officially proposing to you lover on Valentine's Day, don't put the ring in the bottom of her wine glass. Do you how many times the gal has swallowed the ring? Countless times. This would be worse if you hid the ring in the bottom of cloudy/milky sake known as Nigori Sake. Bad idea! But, and this if for the very desperate, if you were intending to propose and forgot the ring (or lost it you idiot) then try this fail-safe impromptu engagement secret. When you twist off the cap of unopened sake a perforated separate piece of metal comes off. This little round piece of metal, which is usually gold or silver, looks just like a.... you know.... a ring! Tadah the perfect "he was so cute putting this little sake ring on my finger" moment. Guys you can thank me later!
- How do you know when things at dinner are starting to turn for the better? You look at your date on V-Day and notice that she is starting to flush a little. Man! You think. She is really starting to get hot for me. WRONG! The real reason your date is starting to turn the color of the fake red heart on the V-Day card that you gave her an hour before is that the histamines in her red wine are kicking in. Her face and body are having a reaction to the surge in histamines often found in big red wines. So before you yell "Check Please" think about pouring sake instead of the Red Death that could get you in a ton of "presumptuous" trouble.
- Of course wines and beers have some great names that do so well on Valentine's Day but they can never compare to the names of sakes. For example how about pouring a bottle of "Drunken Heart" or "Dreamy Clouds"? Not bad heh? How about whipping out a bottle of "Venerable Virgin" or "Beautiful Boy"? There is always "Midnight Moon" or "Star-Filled Sky." Perhaps you would prefer "Root of Innocence" "Southern Beauty" "Mirror of Truth" "Fair Maiden" or "Heaven of Tipsy Delight." Point being if you are feeling strong enough pour a bottle of "Man's Mountain" and let nature take its course.
- This Valentine's Day take a "Sake Bath." First get an "Ishobin" (1.8L) bottle of sake, drink a large portion for dinner then take the rest to your bath. Run some hot water and then place your lover sitting in the tub. Take the remains of the bottle and pour it on her/his head and then have them do the same to you. And then wait for the steam and heat to kick in. Oh so steamy!