Sake Gifts – ‘Tis The Season To Give Sake

Oh God! Not another Holiday Gift Guide – but with sake? Yup- yes it is, but this list has a twist that is very specific and could help you out in the clutch or you may just clutch your stomach and run from the room. Nevertheless I will use a cast of fictitious giftees to help you navigate your own personal gift giving hell!

Herewith are ten gifts that just may spark an awesome idea for at least one person on your list, and please remember all of the names that you read are made up and do not exist and if there are any similarities to any real people it is completely by coincidence or is it?

Trudy - Your Favorite Niece Who Just Turned 21
Don’t kid yourself! Trudy has been partying her butt off for the last 4 years at college and she is still a Sophomore, but you love her because she is a good kid and is one of your favorites at the family parties.

• Kirinzan “Classic” Futsushu $22/720ml $48/1.8L Trudy has also been drinking a lot of crap at college so this extremely affordable “table sake” will be head and shoulders above the swill that she’s been swigging!

Sean and Colby - The Guys Next Door
Yup the great couple next door are cooler than you, have better style than you, probably smell better than you, and basically enjoy the better things in life more than you.

• Tsukinokatsura Heiankyo “Ancient Kyoto” Junmai Daiginjo $70/720ml
  So let’s review, these guys have been exceptionally nice to you and have gifted you on every occasion possible and you sent them a Berkshire Farms Cheese and Salami crappy “gift tower” three years ago! Come On Man! This amazingly packaged sake drinks as awesome as Kyoto does. Step up your game!

Mike - Your Boss of Seven Years
Face it – Mike’s a douche! Always has been and always will be, and perhaps this is the year that you should trick him into thinking that you actually like him.

• Ozeki Osakaya Chobei “First Boss” Daiginjo $15/300ml $32/720ml
  There ya have it! Right in the name “First Boss” – actually named after the first owner of the Ozeki brewery! Tell Mike that, but omit the fact that this is absolutely one of the least expensive high-end sakes in the store, so you won’t feel guilty for sucking up!

Yoshi – The Sushi Chef You Have Been Visiting For Over a Decade
He’s pretentious and sort of a clown and you have been trying to gain his good graces for over ten years and he still treats you like a dog.

• Minato Tsuchizaki “Harbor” Yamahai Futsushu Nama Genshu $41/720ml (Can)l
  First of all there is no way “Yoshi” has had this sake. It is hard to find and it’s pretty weird all around – like Yoshi! It’s basically a raw table sake that has a 21% alc punch that may make Yoshi a little more giving of some gifts from behind the counter.

Phoebe – The Dog Walker Extraordinaire!
She’s that girl! You know the one who is always happy and always reminds you to smile and enjoy your lucky damn life just a little bit every once in a while.

• Gokyo “Tanuki” Junmai $9/180ml $33/720ml
  Basically this gal loves all living animals just a little more than humans, so the awesome raccoon-dog-like image on the label talks to her subsonic hearing! It will make her smile and perhaps your “best friend” will get a little more attention.

“Granny” Gertrude – The Grandmother Who Can Still Drink You Under The Table
She got the name when she was loaded and tried to tell her grandkids her name was Granny Gertrude, but it came out Granny Get Rude.

• Ichinokura Himezen “Princess Food” Junmai $27/720ml
  You love that ol’ gal to death but are tired of carrying her lifeless body to the guest room after every family dinner. So make her feel special by telling her the sake is called “Princess Food” all the while knowing it is one of the lowest alcohol percentage sakes in the store at 8%.

Uncle Phil – THE Most Boring Man Alive
Commonly referred to as Uncle “Pill” because of his amazing ability to put you to sleep. This man is literally the 5th wall in a room and has never said a single interesting thing in your entire life but won’t give up trying.

• Born Muroka Nama Daiginjo Genshu $43/720ml
  Perhaps by giving him a sake called “Born” then he could become Born Again Interesting! This amazing sake is extremely flavorful and could just very well be that liquid lobotomy that is needed to kick start Uncle Pill’s newfound awesomeness!

Laurie – Your Sister Who Was In On The First Round Of Google
When stars align they align and Laurie’s stars found her shining as an original first 50 employee at a start-up called Google. So what do you give to a woman who literally has everything?

• Dassai “Beyond” Ultra Junmai Daiginjo $750/720ml
  This is one of the most talked about sakes in Japan made by one of the most famous and popular breweries called Dassai! With a hand printed label it is liquid fantastic in a bottle. Extremely sought after and extremely limited in supply this sake is superb, but even it did not make the “Black List,” which is a secret sake club by True Sake for those who love sake and money is no option. So get your sister the best that most can get then tell her to sign up for the True Sake Blacklist and really go beyond!

Torin – The Woman Who You Have Secretly Admired For Years
Who says you are too old to have a crush on somebody? Basically you have admired this wonderful woman from afar for a long time and now is the time to do something about it.

• Tsukasabotan “King of The Peony” Yamayuzu Shibori Citrus Sake $29/720ml
  So your fortuneteller finally said, “Go for it” when that certain card popped up. And as it just so happens the card had lemons on it, which is perfect because Yuzu-shu is sake that has added citrus flavoring. The packaging is superb, but the flavor of this unique and bright type of sake will bring forth the old adage if life gives you lemons then ask the girl of your dreams out.

Hank – Your Wine-Know-It-All Father
If he says that he can really taste the dirt and minerals in this wine again your head will simply blow off and roll around the dinner table until it comes to a rest beside the stack of wine magazines. Dad’s wine obsession is close to becoming a syndrome and now is the time to do something about it.

• Nagano Obuse “Sogga Pere El Fils” Neuf Nama Junmai Ginjo $200/750ml. Call store to order - (415) 840-5025
  Ol Hank needs to know that there is more to life than wine! He will say really and that is when you drop the sake bomb on him! No not that bomb, but rather a sake that is made by a true winery in Nagano Prefecture. Imagine that? A sake brewery that is actually a winery too! Talk about cross-over. This will sell your old man on sake and you will be a hero!